Simple. That’s kinda my new norm… or the word I am using as I try to adjust.
As I said from the start, I was going to keep things honest and transparent… so many of you have reached out complimenting me on my spirit, strength and optimism and man you are right, but this is going to be a test.
This week, in my mind, was going to be a “normal” week after chemo. Does that even make sense? It did in my mind last Friday. After having day surgery for the port-a-cath, we were hooking me up and making it happen, and I was going to be rocking and rolling… because I wasn’t getting a stomach bug.
Saturday I mustered everything I had to have a family day- seeing Disney immersive- why… because I needed too. In all the things that this is taking right now, it wasn’t taking that. An amazing time. Well thought out, appropriate naps, kept it as short as possible. Celebrating the smalls, Emily’s birthday, time with Tomas and Leanne. Made it! Done! Heck yes!
And then shit got real.
Why?
Since Sunday I have basically been in bed. Or some version of it. No emails, few messages, why? Because simply I couldn’t. Yes, that’s me saying I COULD NOT DO IT. Fudge- it’s hard to say.
Along with, HELP. Yes I had lots of it, I couldn’t have turned it down if I wanted.
Dreams of checking in on our philanthropic meeting? No.
Attending the OAC Foundation transition (as I step down as secretary)? No.
Massage and osteopath appointments? No.
Eyelashes because I'm vain? No.
And things like, making tea and putting Iz to bed? A big, fat NO!
I have never been so excited for Miah's basketball tournament to be cancelled… so I get a second chance to go.
Today is probably one of the hardest "Nos". As friends and colleagues give it there all to raise funds for Habitat for Humanity "Building your taste buds dinner". I was so honoured and excited to do this… and I have stumbled over the finish line with others doing all they can to pick up my slack.
I know, it’s ok. They do it willingly. I would do it for them. I have to take care of myself… all perfectly true. But today I wish I was there… in true “Katie work the room and make you part with hard earned cash for a good cause” form. And not to mention eat the good snacks!!!!!!!
When I said I had "No Time for Cancer"- this was one of those big things.
As I write this and you read it, don’t panic… I mean it’s an honest reflection but I'm still me… so I know tomorrow will be better. And in case you need proof, here is more.
Sunday - the day my hair let go… So, in my mind, losing my hair was going to be tough. But maybe for reasons other than the usuaI, I was worried about the girls. Izzy is a little hair funny and it was part of the reason I cut it short. I also thought it would take some time (6 weeks, I had in my mind). Well, my head had a different plan.
After a bath and hair wash things were looking tough (it looked like I'd winter clipped about 10,000 cows in the tub). But ever the optimist, I went to “blow dry” my new do. Now, Joel is standing beside me in the bathroom, as I was a bit wobbly beans, and stubborn as hell, I tip down my head and give it a blast. Feels good… until Joel says, "I think you might have to stop?!" Looking up, a faint “snowfall of hair” was falling around both of us, covering EVERYTHING!!!! I could help but laugh… we’ll that’s not working is it!!!!
Clippers came out and we had a family meeting in the washroom. Which included Hugo Willis (the beagle)… with the greatest focus on my new Sinéad O’Connor do, no one realized HW snacked on my shedding… he then proceeded to puke my former locks in the living room (never the ceramic). In place of adoring his new Demi Moore look-a-like wife, Joel was scrubbing the rug…
Another day in the life!
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